


Yesterday

by WeedMan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blowjobs, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Langst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Character Undeath, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Violence, Porn With Plot, Rimming, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Smut, apparently that’s a thing, i wrote most of this around three am, no one dies, shangst, smut in chapter 2, technically, time loops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-12 03:41:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15330948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeedMan/pseuds/WeedMan
Summary: It festered inside him.It left him immobile. Frozen, but at the same time his fists wouldn’t stop shaking, his eyes twitching, his breath bated as each exhale wracked his body in unrecoverable and relentless grief. But yet Shiro woke up. He couldn’t stop here. Once again he needed to grit his teeth, pull himself together, and get out the door. He needed to find him again. And again. And again. And again.He needed to for Lance.Sometimes Shiro was close enough to feel Lance’s heartbeat through the crevice of his neck. Sometimes he was so far, he didn’t know what happened until the world fell beneath his feet once again.He finally was able to learn his feelings for Lance.But not without consequences.Shiro couldn't stop it.But he knew what he had to do.Whether it was being ripped into two by the hands of their enemies, having been crushed under twenty thousand tons of torn metal, or even having to tear his own teammates apart… it was all to protect Lance.Right?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Well would you look at that an actual multi-chaptered fic that I already wrote all of so no worries that it won't be continued- the next chapter will be posted next week!
> 
> Thank you Lux and many others from Shance Cafe for giving me just a bunch of ideas and letting me run with it <3  
> Sorry if I ruined it :,) or you know exaggerated the worst parts of y’alls prompts;;
> 
> Me: “So I have _*another*_ fanfic I need you to read and edit…”  
>  Key (Editor): “Greatttt… more dead bodies.”  
> Me: (Sweating) “I meannnnn……..”  
> Technically no :D
> 
> someone tell MY (thanks Aunt for pointing out I can’t even do my own authors note without a typo- love u) editors to stop memeing on our google docs- 
> 
> BUT AGAIN, THANK YOU KEY AND AUNT (Editors) for everything! You guys helped me so much by giving me feedback and correcting my 5 am mistakes and I will forever be grateful. They are the true heros in this story-Thank you!

Shiro mindlessly chewed on the tip of his spoon. 

The food goo was bland. Tasteless, as it was repeatedly stuffed inside him just to fuel another bothersome day. Today was another day of training, training and most likely some long diplomatic discussions with Allura about alliances or something. Which was basically every other day anyways. He couldn’t help his schedule, after all, he was stuck in space with around six other people constantly in the same area. While he was sure his day may be slightly boring, he couldn’t help but imagine his teammates trying to find a way to pass time.

Keith had found himself training daily; Shiro could attest to that. Everyday. Nearly every hour. Shiro would find Keith sweating and nearly about to collapse as he continued to work his sword on the Altean training bots. Pidge and Hunk always found ways to keep themselves busy. Whether it be tinkering with machinery, acting out strange plays, or simply training as advised by Shiro himself. But it wasn’t a priority for everyone. There was someone else on the ship that didn’t exactly find joy in any of the things the others did. 

Lance. Shiro had little to no clue of what Lance did in the castle while the others were working or training. Shiro had only seen Lance training once or twice, only seen him with Pidge and Hunk when they were doing rambunctious horseplaying (which Coran forbade), and never had he taken part in any long intricate conversations with Allura about the future. Shiro didn’t know when he started to examine Lance more than his title of leader allowed. How his eyes would linger on the sway of his hips as he waved to the table to leave. He would say he was going to his room… but what did he do all day? Shiro set aside his bowl, long overdone with his abused metal spoon. Shiro suspected he should ask Lance, it was only right to do so as their leader after all. Or so was his go to excuse to deny his own obvious feelings.

“Shiro, are you already done?“ Allura questioned, pushing her hands against the long table, standing up.

“Ah, yeah.” Shiro nervously stopped in his tracks.

“Then do you mind if we talk? The people of Kyk’olk have been restless over their defenses. I advise that we meet with them to assess the situation.” Allura stated, already next to Shiro’s side and ushering him to the command room.

“Oh, Allura I-“ Shiro looked back towards the door, seeing Lance was already long gone.

“Is there an issue, Shiro?” Allura asked, concerned.

Shiro shook his head, knowing that this was an important cause for the whole universe. After all it was _his_ duty as the head of Voltron.

“No… Sorry, we should focus on the resistance effort right?” Shiro sighed, following Allura out.

There were millions of lives at stake. He could just always ask Lance another day.

———-

“We need to form Voltron!” Allura screamed into their helmets com. 

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! Watch it, Lance!” Pidge yelled as Blue knocked into the core of the green lion. 

“Sorry, Pidge, but it’s sorta hard to dodge literally every laser and also try to maneuver my way back to reform with you guys!” Lance shouted as everyone proceeded to dodge and avoid lasers from every direction.

“As much I would love to argue right now, we have much more important enemies that we need to properly fight here!” Shiro called out, sending his lion barreling into one of the drone ships.

“Holy crow- there’s literally no end to them! I don’t think I can even get back to you guys with all of them in the way.”

“Well we can't form Voltron without a leg, Lance!” Keith shouted.

“Well no quiznak, Sherlock!” Lance retorted.

“That isn’t how that-“

“Hey guys, I don’t want to alarm you, but bigger and badder Galra cruise ship is in view!” Hunk yelled into the coms, catching the attention of the others.

“No need to tell me twice! Step on it, Blue!” Lance hollered, sending his lion towards the newly appeared enemy. 

“That dumbass! We can’t-“

“Follow after him, we can’t form Voltron with this many enemies aimed at us.” Shiro said, rushing towards Lance’s location. 

Shiro found himself farther away from the rest, it was almost as if every drone fighter was on his tail as they physically cut him off from everyone as he tried to regroup with the others. Keith was soloing the larger ship, though Shiro drove Black to assist him, Hunk was following after Lance; breaking the enemies one by one. Shiro’s eyes were jumping from the ships to the lasers shooting past him as his mind barely heard the audio in his com. 

“Yeah you wish-“ Pidge sneakily said. 

Was there another fight that broke out?

“Wait-“ Hunk hollered, “the main ship!“

“Pidge move!” Keith screamed.

“Pidge!”

“Wh-“

It seemed as if in slow motion. The purple encased laser that pierced through space, as blinding as it was deadly. It dove through the space quicker than a blink of an eye as it headed straight for the green lion. 

His com was met with a piercing crashing of metal. It creaked and whined in his ear. 

Just as quick as the purple laser came so was green suddenly replaced with blue and the creaking with a blood curdling scream. 

“Lance!” A screamed ripped straight from Pidge’s lungs rang out.

“Holy- Lance!”

“Lance, respond!”

“Hey, answer us!”

All of his teams voices muffled together, lost in the canals of his ear as all he could do was stare. There was only a small weak voice that he could hear, even buried under the cries of his team.

_”I don’t want to die.”_

“Shiro! Snap out of it!” Keith yelled, his voice piercing in Shiro’s lion. 

Shiro’s eyes blinked, his lion maneuvering to avoid the enemies on their own. Shiro’s shaking hands found his commands as he reeled the black lion towards the direction of the others, who were all shielding an unresponsive Blue Lion.

“Hunk, use the yellow lion to carry the blue lion back to the castle!” Allura commands, her voice the beacon of reason, “Once you are here, let Coran check on Lance!”

“Y-yeah…” Hunk said, his voice wavers as he shifts his lion to move towards Blue.

Shiro swallowed hard, “Pidge, Keith, help me take the rest of them out.” 

…

…

...

They all went to bed silently. Never had Shiro seen the team so… despondent as they all set their lions in the castle. Shiro was the last one to touch down, his head jolting as Black settled to the renewed gravity. Shiro barely had time to take off his helmet before he heard a shout from outside his lion. He rushed outside, his lions jaw barely a crack open before he could feel his stomach flip. 

Hunk stood perfectly still. All the others had crowded around him and in his arms was Lance. Limp. Corans face was drawn, his eyebrows stuck quivering and his mouth hung low. Like many of the others. Nobody could move. Nobody could speak. Without needing to ask Shiro could tell just what happened.

Pidge was the first to break away from the trance. 

“It’s my fault! It’s all my fucking fault!” 

“Pidge! It is not your fault, the Galra-“

“Say what you want, Allura! If I just had better reaction time and noticed the damn laser in time, Lance would still-!”

“Pidge!” Allura yelled over Pidge’s own despair, “It was unavoidable…”

“... we just need a healing pod right?” Hunks voice broke through the silence, but yet his voice was shattered as if it gave in to itself, “he… he will get better if we just… he will…”

Hunk’s arm shook, not allowing himself to drop Lance as if he was a fragile priceless treasure. His tears dropped in large streams, unable to be stopped as he cradled the young man in his arms tighter. His teeth grit as sobs wracked his ribs.

“I believe we should... properly hold a ceremony to honor our lost Paladin.” Allura said, looking away as she clutched her fists.

“I… I never thought I would need to use that room. Please give me some time to prepare…” Coran whispered, barely loud enough for the others to hear as he trodden out of the room.

In a matter of time they all stood in a room that was buried in a crevice of the castle. 

It was a crematorium.

And like that Shiro saw Lance engulfed in flames. 

Lance was dead.

————

Shiro woke up to an extreme headache. While he says he woke up, it was more like his eyes shut for five minutes once every three hour passed. He couldn’t shut out the face of his dead teammate. One he knew he should’ve gotten to know. One he _wished_ he got to know. But yet, he was gone. Shiro personally saw his cold limp body be torched from life. Lance’s ashes were stored for until they were back on Earth, ready to be tossed into the ocean. That was the one and only thing Hunk said after the ordeal in a soft, croaky, broken voice. 

Shiro couldn't get out of bed. The grieving faces of his team etched in the back of his mind like a soldering iron. The face of his fallen… teammate projected an eerie, serene expression. His face was slack, his eyes closed delicately as if he were simply going to bed. Only he wasn’t ever going to wake up. Through all the madness of fighting for weeks, months, and maybe even years on end without rest… he was at peace. But Shiro wasn’t. With Lance’s death, Shiro realized the worst part of himself. He put his position first as an excuse to not get to know Lance better, to not be honest to himself and the others. And yet now it was too late to tell Lance the simplest of things. 

“ _Great work out there, sharpshooter!_ ”

Pidge was wrong. It was Shiro’s fault. If he was just a better leader… if he could only control Black a bit better… if he was just the one that reacted faster and took the hit… if he could’ve taken Lance’s place. He would in a heartbeat. Shiro bit his lips, bruising them as he tried to not dwell on the what if’s. He saw what happened. Nothing could bring Lance back. Nothing could receive his newfound emotions.

There was a soft knock on the door. Shiro didn’t move. It was breakfast time already, so it may have been a concerned Keith or Allura at his door. But he couldn’t bring himself to move. He couldn’t bring his dry throat to even speak. The knock resumed slightly more loudly, this time accompanied by a voice. One whose last words he heard too many times echoing in his skull. 

“Shiro? You in there? The rest of the team got worried because you weren’t-“

“Is this some kind of sick joke?” Shiro groggily yelled at the door. 

If it was Hunk or Pidge trying to replicate his voice to get a rise from Shiro- would they really do something like this? Something this inhumane?

“No?... is it a joke to be worried? Like for real, you’re usually the first one to the table so even I’m a bit-“

There was a yelp as Shiro slammed the usually automatic mechanical door open with a crash. His crusty eyes filled with sleep adjusted to the hallway light. Through the blinding pain his eyes widened, his mouth agape.

“Shiro? You look-“

Shiro gripped the figure’s wrist. 

Pulling him into a crushing hug.

He was warm.

He was alive. 

Lance was alive.

It seemed like a dream. Seeing Lance once again in front of him, acting as if he just hadn’t seen death's door and- no… that wasn’t possible. Shiro saw with his own eyes that Lance was gone. Burned to ashes.

“Lance… you’re… alive?” Shiro drew out.

“Yeah? I think I am? Though at this point I think I should shoot that right back at you. You look like you need fifteen years of beauty sleep.” Lance joked, his fingers harmlessly tracing Shiro’s eyebags.

They were light feathery touches but they drew him in like the essence of life itself. He came back. It really was Lance.

“So it was all a dream…” 

Lance looked at him quizzically, like he was trying to understand what Shiro meant.

“Are you okay, Shiro?” Lance's voice was soft, concerned.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Shiro backed away from Lance, quickly reminding himself that it was out of order and probably made Lance uncomfortable. 

“If you say so. Are you going to come to breakfast? The food goo doesn’t get any better but we need it.” 

Shiro pauses. He still was in his night clothes and he most likely looked rusty from lack of sleep. If anything he just needed to wash his face at least.

“Yeah. Sorry, you can go before me.” Shiro said, waving Lance off.

“Oh- alright... see ya Shiro!” Lance said, nearly dashing away from Shiro’s front door in an instant.

Once Lance was gone from his sight Shiro swerved back into his room. His door closing with a whine behind him as he stepped back into his dark room and then into the joined bathroom. Turning on the intense lights Shiro squinted harshly at his own reflection in the mirror. He… looked like a mess. He wondered if Lance thought Shiro always looked this rugged. Shiro tried to comb his hair with his fingers, not realizing they were clammy with sweat. Turning on the faucet as he dunked his face into the water cupped in his hands.

The water brought out a new stream of thoughts within Shiro. He’d spent the whole night mourning Lance. But yet Lance was just in front of him. Inviting him to breakfast as if it were a normal everyday morning. Was… was everything just a dream? Shiro felt for sure none of what he remembered was a lie. But there was no other explanation. Was there something strange in the food goo? Was he infected with something on Kyk’olk? Was he simply going insane from stress, age, or the fact that he was stuck in space as a formidable leader against a tyrant ruler? Maybe it was all of it. A demented illusion created by Shiro’s disgusting mind.

All of those options seemed much more viable to reality. Shiro laughed at his pitiful eyebags. Lance was alive, and he had nothing to worry about. Shiro changed into his usual attire, his vest pulled over his shoulders. He sucked in a breath. He needed to remind himself that the dream wasn’t real, no matter how insanely detailed it might be. Shiro stepped outside of his room and found his feet automatically stepping into the dining hall.

“Good morning, Shiro.” Allura said.

“Good Mornin’” Pidge muttered.

“Morning, Shiro.” Keith yawned.

“Mornin’” Hunk said.

“Morning…” Lance called out tiredly.

Shiro grabbed a plate and filled it with green food goo, looking around before deciding where to reside. Shiro sat on the seat closest to Keith, finding himself sandwiched between Pidge and him. They all were talking loudly as they ate. It was… normal. Shiro shoved his thoughts behind thick spoon filled layers of food goo. Shiro ate rather quickly, responding in a small quick one word when the others asked about his late arrival as he shoveled the goo into his mouth. He saw Lance from the corner of his eye, already nearly done with food goo as his last bite slipped behind his teeth. 

Shiro put down his spoon, ready for when Lance was finished as Shiro put up his bowl nonchalantly to follow after Lance. As if scripted, Allura suddenly spoke up, still seated as her surprised eyes locked on to Shiro. Shiro could see already what she wanted to say reflected in her eyes as Lance was quickly disappearing from everyone’s sights.

“Shirogane, are you are already done? That was rather quick.” Allura said, her voice drained with concern.

He froze on the spot at her words. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought that he did the same exact thing in his dream. 

“Yes, I was hoping to get to some different matters.” Shiro said, causing the other three Paladins to give Shiro a questioning side eye.

“Shirogane, I hope you know we are expected today for an important diplomatic-“

“Yes, but if you wouldn’t mind could be hold off our meeting?”

“Shiro you know as the leader of Voltron your attendance is mandatory,” Allura said, her voice convincing as it was commanding, “The people of Kyk’olk have been restless over their weak defenses. I advise that we meet with them to properly aid their people.”

Those exact words were familiar...

“Allura I appreciate our continuous work to the coalition and efforts in reforming planets upon other changes to the universe, but we have been needing a break. Today, I feel you may not need me to interfere as you and Coran speak to the Alliance,” Shiro stated, feeling the need to hammer in the point, “In fact, I believe you two may need a break as well from constant questioning.”

Allura looked at Shiro in disbelief as if she hadn’t expected him to deny her request. Which normally he wouldn’t, they had universes upon galaxies to save. But Shiro couldn’t shake off that strange dream. It didn’t feel right, almost as if a premonition or a foreboding vision of the future if he were to allow it. He didn’t do all he could to protect his teammate before. Hell he didn’t realize how much he neglected Lance beforehand. He couldn’t make such an obvious mistake now.

“I… If you say this would be the best course of action… I am willing to hold off the meeting for another time.” Allura diplomatically said, already rushing to the command room alone most likely to delay to council. 

“Holy quiznak- Shiro actually rejected Allura for once?” Pidge whispered loudly to the others, not even trying to hide, “I never thought in a million years I would see that happening.”

Shiro had a twinge if guilt, but he had his own work cut out for himself now. He now had unfound freetime. Time he didn’t expect to have or get when it came to Allura’s usual stubbornness and demeanor. Shiro waved off to the others whose faces were caught in a questioning gaze as Shiro nervously smiled his way out of the room. With the mechanical whisp the door closed and he was enveloped with the darkness of the hallway. Shiro navigated his way, memorizing most of the living quarters halls for practical uses of waking certain Paladins who would sleep at abnormal times or simply sleep in. 

Shiro stood in front of one of the numerous grey metal doors that lined the hall, only this one had small blue marker doodles and writing on it. Various small stars and sporadic lines detailed to the main focus of the large blocky text “ **LANCE MCCLAIN** ”. The others decorated their door in an attempt to memorize which one theirs was in the whole maze the castle is, and Shiro didn’t blame them. Shiro sucked in a deep breath of air. When was the last time he spoke to Lance alone? When has he really been able to talk to Lance for a long period of time without another person interfering?

Shiro knocked on the door, his metal hand clinking in the door as if to signal who exactly it was. To his surprise the door opened quickly after, not having him wait standing awkwardly for too long.

“Oh- Shiro? What are you doing here?” Lance said, his voice slightly dazed with morning still and his eyes squinting.

Light illuminated from Lance’s room, all coming from a large screen TV that took up most of the room. It displayed pixelated characters that were on standby, waiting for Lance to come back to the controller so they could finish their mission. Shiro internally silenced himself, reminding himself not to nag about the negative effects on the eyes when in the dark or to make comments on how cute he looked when was tired; especially not the latter.

“I… I uh- I was curious as to what your daily activities were.” Shiro said, hoping to darkness of the hallway hid his slow blush.

“ _Why?_ ” Lance asked, his lips biting slightly.

“I was worried. Most other Paladins had interactions with others, say Pidge talks with Hunk and Coran with Allura. Keith has an occasional chat with me and the others… I know that you usually are with Pidge and Hunk but lately you’ve been… isolated.”

“Then shouldn’t you be worried about Keith instead? He’s basically alone everyday expect for when he’s with you.”

Shiro frowned at Lance’s inflection. It was strangely rough as if he couldn’t bring himself to say or acknowledge it.

“Keith is fine. He prefers time to think for himself and will talk to me when he needs me.” 

“Great, I’m a special case then… I’m fine, I just got a game from the mall that I’m slightly addicted to.” Lance said, his shoulders shrugging matter of factly.

“Is that really all?” Shiro didn’t buy it.

“Yeah, of course.” Lance affirmed rather harshly.

Shiro pauses. He couldn’t just let everything end now. He made the effort to make a decent excuse to get Lance to open up. He could quickly feel the atmosphere becoming a stinging awkwardness, blurring out the first thing Shiro could toss off the top of his tongue. He couldn’t just up and leave, he made it this far he had to go all the way.

“...Mind if I... play the game with you?”

“What!?” Lance chokes out, “You want to play a digital game... With me?” 

“Is there a problem?”

“Don't you have a meeting with Allura or training with Keith? Or really like anything else?”

Was he imposing that badly on Lance’s daily freetime?

“I can always postpone those everyday actives to simply spend some time to get to know you better, Lance.”

Lance flared up faster than a firework. Saying that the crawl of pink to red flushing his cheeks weren’t amazingly adorable was a lie. Lance’s fingers froze on the frame, but slowly moved backwards into his room. Gesturing Shiro to come inside.

“If you say it that way…” Lance said, “come on in. It’s sort of small; like every other room.”

Shiro’s smile automatically filled his face. Just, in general, the thought that Lance was trusting him sent small sensations to the tip of his fingers. Shiro ducked into the room, finding a small spot not encroached with wires to sit as he waited for Lance to situate in front of the large TV. 

“So… this game does have two player. Want me to pull up a controller for you? It’s just a side scrolling fighter game.” Lance said, already grabbing a controller and attaching a wire to the console.

“Oh, I’m not sure if I would be any good.” Shiro nervously replied, staring at Lance’s mischievous grin.

“You’ll be fine, you have me to teach you after all!” Lance confidently said, tossing the controller haphazardly onto Shiro’s lap.

Shiro fumbled with the controller, settling it within his fingers. Shiro hasn’t ever seen this type of model before, but it looked simple enough to use. Lance returned to the main menu and opened a new game for multiplayer. In front of his eyes the screen burned bright in his retinas and a whole row of boxes appeared. Shiro waited quizzically for Lance to explain.

“So I don’t know any of the technical terms or memorized all of the characters skills unlike Pidge and Hunk, so I’ll be stuck to teaching you basic stuff. For now you can choose your character skills, there’s a lot of customization too.”

Lance already started on his character on his side of the screen. Shiro slightly panicked, not sure on what to do.

“Are you going to make your character?” Lance asked, seemingly setting his controller down already as if finished.

“I… I don’t know where to really begin. There’s a lot of options it’s slightly overwhelming.”

Shiro’s eyes scanned Lance’s character. While it slightly resembled Lance, it was… cute. It had the ears and tails of a cat, a scar above the left eye, thick red markings lining his cheeks, his famous royal blue eyes, and a mischievous smirk. Shiro saw flashy skills under the characters profile, exactly what Shiro would guess Lance would have picked.

“You just make who you want to be. It’s a game so try to be someone who you inspire to be, or your ideal self I guess. Make them badass or cute or whatever your type is; I won't judge.” 

“You… want to be a cat boy?”

Lance started coughing up a fit, his bubbles of laughter seemingly breaking out between. Lance barely managed out a weak response over his own laughter. “Of course not! It’s just- a preference! It’s cool isn’t it? It implies I’m not human, plus cats are cute and cool at the same time! I call him Pike! He’s my default go-to character design in games!” 

Shiro wished he didn’t spend most of that sentence just thinking of Lance with soft fluffy ears and a wagging tail in real life. His short hair seemed soft as fur, and Lance was always so… Shiro’s favorite animal was a cat… despite Lance acting more like a loving dog and despite his coy nature that resembled a cat… Shiro could feel the thoughts directing somewhere entirely different and had to stash that thought away forever. 

Shiro shifted his focus to his own side of the room. His controller in his hands waiting to be used. Lance told him the basics in between like which buttons did which, so he deftly tried to remember as he scrolled over the hairs and accessories. No real inspiration crossed over Shiro’s mind… he was perfectly acceptable as he was right now. Only… Shiro traced over his arm. Thankfully the game didn’t give that far of customization to have a whole limb replaced. He wouldn’t have anyways… It only took Shiro around fifteen minutes before he was done. Lance had fiddled around during that time wanting to see “Shiro’s fantasy” as a surprise. 

“I think I’m done.” Shiro said, having Lance spring up to action after than he’d seen Lance wake up.

“Lemme see! Let-“ Lance paused as if something were wrong, “Shiro. Did you just make yourself? You didn’t even change your name!”

“Yeah? I don’t think I really want to be anyone else but me.”

“Wow… maybe I should be you too, I want that much confidence in myself as well. Anyways, you look good! It even looks like you!”

Shiro was going to shrug off the fact that he basically directly complimented Shiro’s appearance. Lance didn’t seem to notice as he began to scroll through more character options.

“So then here’s the skills. There’s classes, like, a lot of them. I don’t know how to customize so I just use the preset ones. Pike is a thief- stylish but also deadly. Here’s a list of all the classes and-“

Shiro’s eyes barely had to move before he saw exactly what he wanted.

“I want to be a paladin.”

“What?”

“I want to be a paladin.”

“But… why? I haven’t even explained the skills yet.”

“It… just seems fitting. You know, paladin of Voltron? Paladin of… whatever this game is called.”

“But Paladins literally only have two attack skills! All the others are defense or support!”

“I want to be-“

“Fine! You win!” Lance flushed at Shiro’s bright smile, “... this isn’t fair.” Lance murmured as he clicked start.

————

“Lance, I need you to help me!”

“Wait a second Shiro, I’m a bit busy here dealing with mobs!”

“I don’t think I have enough MP to be able to maintain the barrier on myself for much longer!”

“Crow- Shiro use a potion!”

“We didn’t buy any at the last merchant!”

“Wha- Oh yeah we didn’t have enough coins-“

**[[GAME OVER]]**

“Lesson learnt, right?” Shiro gave a small smiled to Lance.

“Lesson learnt.” Lance sighed.

—————

“Shiro dodge! Dodge! Bosses’ AOE is charging! Move to the bottom left!”

“What is an AOE?!” Shiro desperately cried, reigning his controller for control of his character.

“Area of effect, it means that there’s going to be magic cast in the area marked- Quiznak!” Lance shouted.

The strange green charged orbs would instantly turn an electric blue laser crashing down onto the platform causing both of them to lose all their hearts nearly instantly. Shiro couldn’t help but frown.

**[[GAME OVER]]**

“Was… was that AOE?” Shiro asked innocently.

“Ughhh… we died again!” Lance cried pitifully, falling on his back.

“Pull it together, Pike! We can always restart and try again!”

“Shiro, you’re way too optimistic somehow…”

“This is an amazing game! It makes the player want to continue on their quest for the continuation of the main story but yet also its driven by teamwork and-“

“Don’t make this game into a life lesson! Let’s just get back in!”

————

“We… we did it! Four full hours! We completed the third chapter!” Lance screamed in celebration, elated enough to throw his controller to the side and raise his arms to the sky with the cry of victory. 

Shiro finally blinked in what felt like hours, his eyes dry, but all worth it for how Lance reacted. His hands were frozen to the controller and stuck in the same position for hours, his back cracking once he managed to stretch. His legs had gone numb and his neck aches. He had barely remembered the attack outside of the castle as they made their way out, desperate to get back to the game and most likely be feared their real enemies in record time. Both their desire to finish the game winning out on their instincts.

“Yeah… that was surprisingly fun. You’re amazing Lance! I never knew you had such quick reaction times.” Shiro commented, getting a wide smile from Lance.

“Of course I do. I have pretty amazing eyes for games.”

He had pretty amazing eyes in general but Shiro wasn’t going to outright say that.

“The game was rather intense during that last mission. I was worried my hands were too clammy to be able to play properly.” Shiro jokes.

“You did amazingly! Hell you use combos so much better than me! You learned faster and… play better than me really.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you Lance.” Shiro said, unsure on if he really had.

“Oh thanks, Shiro. I needed the extra cheese.” Lance joked, popping his back as he stretched enough for Shiro to see his naked stomach.

“I think we had enough cheese once Pike and Shiro’s story arc reached the end.”

“Oh tell me about it! It gets even more insane in the next chapter,” Lance excitedly pounced in the topic, “In the next chapter we face off an even more harder boss to avenge-“

————

“That… that was amazing! How… how could anyone had thought that the Coranic dragon was a being used as a coverup from the dark evil merchant from before! I never would’ve thought!” Shiro said, the screen fading into black as the credits roll slowly with images appearing from certain cutscenes that featured both Shiro and Pike on their wondrous and perilous journey. 

Shiro found finding himself sitting side by side to Lance much closer than he remember from the beginning. Their legs were touching and Shiro’s shoulder was easily bumping into Lance’s back. Shiro took the chance to put his arm around Lance, a sort of celebration hug as they revelled in the victory. Shiro could blame it on the spur of the moment if Lance questioned his sudden intimacy. Shiro could barely contain his love for the game as Lance high fived him. 

“I know right!” Lance cried, reciprocating Shiro’s tight hug hesitantly, “Holy crow, I need to show this to my family when… we go back… home.”

Just as quickly as the credits finished so did Lance’s smile wipe off his face as if it never actually happened. Shiro felt the drawn out silence as the heroic soundtrack was soft and heartwarming, but he didn’t know how to approach on this subject easily. Shiro knew out of everyone that Lance was the one who was a homebody. He loved his family, and he loved them more than he was able to ever express. Shiro found his hand reaching off the controller and lightly grasping Lance’s.

“Lance… We will make it home. I… I promise you that at the very least I will do everything I can so that we all can go home no matter what it takes. A home where we can be with family and never have to worry about the Galra again.” Shiro said, his voice much more confident despite his actual unease.

“Shiro… I… I can’t help it. Everytime I do anything I just think about home. I’m so homesick I can’t stop thinking about everyone back in Cuba. Even the ones I thought I hated, I realize now that I miss them more than I ever could possibly imagine… it hurts, Shiro. I can’t stop thinking about how many birthdays I must’ve missed, how many family dinners and gathers… birthdays? Christmas? Halloween? April Fools? I might not ever see any of them again.” Lance choked out.

Shiro’s arm wrapped protective around Lance’s shoulder. A more purposeful action than before filled with determination. Lance was cut off guard, but didn’t push Shiro away. If anything he burrowed closer into Shiro’s side. Both their faces luckily hidden with the darkness of the room.

“Lance… do you want to talk about it?”

“About?...”

“Your family. It’s always easier to deal or understand something when you speak about it.”

“I… are you sure? I could go on for hours and hours about them all. I have a large family…”

“If that’s what it takes. It’s a small price to pay for your happiness.”

“... I’m the middle child in the family. My father was really never around so my mother-“

————

….

“Holy hell, it’s dinner.” Lance groaned as he flopped onto the seat.

“Holy hell, you guys decided to actually come eat. Where have you two been all day?” Pidge commented, giving them both a deadpan glare.

“No need to worry, Pidge. I just decided to spend the day off to get to know Lance better.” Shiro answered matter of factly, rubbing his eyes.

“A-kay-a! I just showed him some games. Nothing else!” Lance exclaimed loudly.

“No need to tell us twice.” Hunk said, obviously not believing it.

“Lance, I would love to play the game again. It was really interesting and fun.” Shiro said, grabbing both a food goo plate for both Lance and himself.

“Y-yeah. Anytime, Shiro! My room is always open. For games.” Lance said grabbing the bowl from Shiro.

Shiro felt his own body temperature rising slightly at the obvious connotation. Shiro wasn’t innocent, but it wasn’t as if he wanted Lance to think that was why he wished to get along with him. Either way, Shiro was glad to have spent such a long time alone with Lance. It was a good bonding experience and if anything he felt… felt like he knew Lance just a little bit better. Not from just his experience with games but even learning about his family enough to know that when Lance says “that dick” he meant his third uncle. 

“I would love to, Lance.” Shiro beamed.

“How are you even functioning, Lance?” whispered Hunk.

“No clue, Hunk...” Lance whispered back.

By the time they finished eating, Lance was already bounding to the doorway; yawning dramatically and prancing.

“I’m going to bring this bottle into my room. I hate having to wake up at midnight and walk all the way to the kitchen to grab some water.” Lance said, doing his best to balance the large bottle in his arms.

“Sure, just make sure not to drop it on the console. It’s alien tech so who knows how it might react?” Pidge said, not even eating but tinkering with some touchpad instead.

“No promises from my butter fingers!”

“Lance, that isn’t a joke.” Keith sighed.

“Your face is though-“ Lance retorted smugly.

“Ohhhh!” Hunk backed Lance up.

“Keith is right, Lance. It could be an explosion for all we know.”

“You’re just being pessimistic, Pidge. What console explodes when you drop water on it? It might destroy it but I keep perfect care of my beautiful items. Plus, I still have to finish the bonus stages of the game with Shiro!”

Shiro blushes at the mention of his name so fondly. He really was hoping to get to know Lance better, as well as play some amazing new games. It was a package deal he felt was way too cheap to be real. How was Lance real? Shiro couldn’t possibly have such an honest and strong family man stuck in space with him- Shiro’s eyebrows creased roughly as to remind him where exactly he was.

“I look forward to it, so make sure to take care of Pike and me!” Shiro said, blushing slightly.

“Gross. Get a room.” Keith said, making a fake sickly face.

“Will do! Good night everyone! I have a beauty routine to get to!” Lance said, disappearing behind the mechanical door.

———

Shiro went back to bed with ease, his back enjoying the actual rough texture of the bed for once compared to his bad figure while playing games. Yet, as he laid, he couldn’t help but… feel off. Like something was missing for his memory, or like he had a sense of déjà vu. He didn’t know why, but he’d never ever had a day with Lance this extensive, at least to his knowledge, but even then Shiro was confident. 

Shiro rucked his body into the blanket. It was probably just his ever growing stress or anxiety. His body was most likely not used to the peace. A single day without training, without lunch (though he just forgot, honestly), and with Lance… he was a good man. He was not only strong but was capable of just having fun in what Shiro considered a more humane way. It was refreshing… Shiro shuffled in the bed, finding the best position to sleep in. He wanted the night to quickly pass so he could go and play games with Lance again. Hear more lovely fun stories about his family and just… see him smile. Happy. 

Alive.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It happens again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end :D
> 
> THANK YOU MY EDITORS AUNT AND KEY <3 The two who support me and my terrible habits of starting and making angsty stories! They are the absolute best and I wouldn't have a semblance of a story without them!
> 
> Also: warning, significant mood change-

Shiro woke up to his head aching as if he had just drank a whole bottle of whiskey by himself. His head pounded and his lips were dry with a stinging pain as he cracked him open to suck in a deep breath of air. All signs that Shiro was in a deep state of sleep. The grogginess has settled in his body as all his body ached and creaked with every movement. Shiro pushes aside his own desires of rest for the time being. He had skipped out on Allura for one day and surely he wouldn’t be able to avoid her for today.

Shiro got up from the bed, changing and cleaning up his face as he walked to the dining hall. In the hall was only Allura and Coran at this time, both conversing over small snacks. Shiro quietly made his presence known and swiped some more food goo onto a plate. Shiro ate slowly as he waited for everyone to file in, wanting to make sure no one was simply skipping over the meal or didn’t make it to breakfast. The last one to come in to the room was Lance, he had looked perfectly healthy despite the hours they had spent looking at a bright screen in a dark room and Shiro applauded him for that. Certainly Shiro was feeling the aftermath in his retinas.

Lance sat down at the table, throwing morning remarks to everyone and chewing on his food fast. Shiro found the peaceful atmosphere the best to simply find a lighthearted topic. Surely Shiro had been thinking about to for quite some time.

“Lance, if you wouldn’t mind having me again, I would love to play the game with you again today.”

“I… what?” Lance said, his face filled with confusion.

“The game we played yesterday? The one with the Coranic dragon that was a trap made by the Merchant to trick adventurers?”

“Wait… is that what happens!? Oh my crow… it all makes sense! Shiro, how did you know!? Only Hunk and I had played it before but even then Hunk left me alone to play it! Hell, I haven’t even gone past the Coranic dragon!”

“What do you mean? We finished the whole game yesterday…”

Lance paused, his eyebrows drawn. Pure and utter confusion was obviously placed on his face. “I… I don’t think I remember any of that?”

“What about the stories about your family you told me? You know about how when you were ten your uncle told you to-“

“Wait stop stop stop stop stop! Don’t-“ Lance’s face had flared up, but instead of his usual lazy blush it was red from embarrassment, “How did you hear about that!? Hunk I thought I told you to keep it a secret!”

“I did! I never spoke a word!” Hunk replied innocently.

“How else would Shiro of all people know one of my worst childhood memories!?” Lance cried.

“I… Lance you told me them yourself?”

“I definitely would’ve remember if I told someone about my stupid ten year old self!” Lance defended, setting his spoon down, “I’m gonna go wallow in self loathing remembering it and then gonna also cry that my leader basically knows how much of a gullible crybaby I was.” 

“I don’t think saying how much you’re going to cry is going to help that image.” Keith snarkily replied.

“Shut it! Let me have my embarrassing memories!” Lance said, leaving the room as quickly as possible in a dash.

Shiro was left utterly confused in his seat. His brows were furrowed and he found his own mouth agape. Lance… didn’t remember their whole game session? Hell even after it? How could he had forgotten in the span of one night, it was nearly over eight hours alone together doing one thing. Telling stories and experiences alike while they joyfully concentrated on pressing buttons. 

“Hey Shiro, how did you really find out? Like for real, I don’t even think I wrote it down anywhere for you to find.” Hunk asked.”

“No, like I said, Lance told me. I was sure…”

Was it a really long dream? Had he dreamt his emotions for Lance? It couldn’t have been possible. Shiro felt uneasy, his obvious displeasure in losing such precious time with Lance… and for what reason? Lance didn’t remember anything? Shiro had a sneaking suspicion, but then again, it may had simply been his own paranoia running in his mind.

“Pidge, what date is it?”

“Earth or Altea?” Pidge asked, already pulling up a device.

“Earth.”

“My trackpad says it’s September twenty-eighth. Though again, it’s a rough estimate cause we are stuck in space.” 

“Thanks, Pidge.”

“No problem, Shiro.” Pidge replies, getting back to her own food.

After the incident no one questioned Shiro. Shiro didn’t know why, or how, but it felt as if the whole day was repeating. Once Shiro was done Allura had been at his toes, asking once again about the people of Kyk’olk requiring inquiries about their defenses and that Shiro needed to come. 

“Not today… I’m not feeling so well.”

“Oh my, why is that, Shiro? Do you think you are coming down with a fever?” Coran said, already placing his hand on Shiro’s forehead.

Shiro moved away, knowing that Coran wouldn’t find anything, “I’m fine. Just… I need to clear my head a bit.” 

That excuse seemed to work as Allura graciously accepted a break for all of them and Coran went off to attend to something else in the castle. Shiro already knew where he was going, he found his way with ease to the door with blue ink. Once again, he sucked in a breath to knock on the door with his hand. Once again he was met with Lance’s face, though thankfully free of tears. Yet there seemed to be something off. Lance was much less energetic than when he saw him before. Shiro would even dare to use the word deprived.

“I was wondering what you did most days.”

Shiro summarizes, then the same conversation ensued from before. It was the same game. An elaborate outlay spread across all of Lance's room. It burned bright in the dark room; illuminating in the exact same way Shiro had seen before. His worst fears coming to life. 

“I… I think I’m going to… I need to go check on something with Allura. I’m sorry, Lance, I forgot to give her some important information.” Shiro said, biting his lips as he steadily turned to face the way he came.

“Oh- I thought you… wanted to play the game. Though I guess you wouldn’t need to if you finished or knew the climax somehow…” Lance said, his eyes downcast, his arm gripping his elbow.

“I’m sorry. Maybe another time.” Shiro reassures, only for Lance to grab the sleeve of his arm.

“Are you sure? I… I haven’t been able to talk to anyone for awhile… I’ve been… lonely. Could I spend time with you?” Lance pleas, his eyes staring straight through Shiro’s soul.

“I’m sorry. Right now is not a good time.” Shiro replied softly.

Lance’s grip fell limp as Lance’s head was downcast. He didn’t say anything afterwards, only sending a wave as he shut his door. It wasn’t hard to find Coran, he was in the control room with Allura, both staring at the large window before them. Shiro forced himself into their view, catching their attention instantly.

“Shiro, why is there a problem?” Coran asked, fiddling with his mustache.

“I thought you had insisted on a break.” Allura said, fuming slightly.

“I am. Still am- I just need to talk to you both. Privately.”

If there was someone who knew about random space time loops it either had to be Coran or Allura, and either way he needed to speak to someone before he lost his mind so both would do. Shiro psyched himself up. It had to be all in his head. There was no way he was the only one affected.

“Coran, Allura, have you two been… feeling any anomalies lately?” Shiro asked, cautious, not for any known reason.

“Why, What has got you so worked up, Shirogane?” Coran asked.

“I… I think I may be stuck in time loop.”

“A time loop you say…” Allura chimes in, “At what intervals does it take place?”

“Around twenty four hours I believe. I haven’t exactly had too much experience to be able to tell.”

“No issues there, Shirogane, time is such a fickle mistress. Do you know when it began?” Coran asked.

“I’m not sure. To me it was most likely three days ago, but since time has been looping I would have to say this morning at breakfast.”

Coran began to twirl his mustache again, only this time standing up, “I see… if it truly does loop that often we may end up resetting in progress. The time is ticking, so I shall be on my way to research a possible solution, Shiro.” 

“Leave it to Coran to find a plausible cause. I am sorry I could not help you more, Shiro. I have minimal experience when dealing with time loops. It is a miracle that space is merciful enough to not constantly have these issues. In the meantime, perhaps you would want to accompany Coran. It may prove fruitful to answer his questions.”

————

Shiro spent all of his time that day in an Altean library. The wall was packed and lined with numerous books in different languages he couldn’t understand. His eyes got tired from having to scan and try to translate page upon page of old dialect that didn’t have proper translation to today’s Altean. Shiro nearly felt like Allura calling on the coms for voltron was a relief from the painstaking reading. Shiro had suited up and ran off to Black, who was roaring to get some action.

Shiro shot out of the castle, seeing the familiar dark vast space and nearly trillions of drone fighters out. Shiro maneuvered to find Keith already taking on his own mission of attacking the largest ones. Both Hunk and Pidge were tag teaming to destroy most of them. Where was Lance?

“Hey, did Lance sleep in again!?” Pidge yelled.

“Hey, watch for the big bad guy’s laser!” Hunk yelled just quick enough for Pidge to respond with her lion tumbling just milliseconds quicker.

“Hey, we can't form Voltron without a leg!” Keith yelled.

“Allura, Coran, where is Lance?” Shiro asked, already finding the situation under control as the last drones were torn apart by his lion claws.

“We assume he is still in his room. I just sent Allura to go check on the lad, hopefully he will not get too much of an earful from Allura about his inactions.” Coran humored, already calling the others back to the castle. 

Everything was strangely quiet once Shiro touched down. Shiro was the last one off of his lion as was met up with the team on the ground marveling in another victory. They all clapped hands, humoring each other.

“So where’s our sleeping beauty who napped while we took out what felt like half of Zarkon’s troops?” Pidge teased, already leading everyone else down to Lance’s known living quarters.

What they were expecting was Coran already waiting to stop them. Coran held his hand fingertip to fingertip across the hallway as if a police tape. He didn’t budge as the others questioned, only allowing Shiro to go past to face Allura, who would not meet any of their eyes. Shiro only understood why once he stepped inside Lance’s room. 

No one else could see. 

Shiro didn’t know it was possible. Not it such limited space, in such a manner. 

Around his neck was the wires. The same video game controllers wires wrung his neck till it was red and filled with purple bruising around the rim. As if his eyes couldn’t move Shiro could only feel his breath stuck in his throat unable to even leave as a gasp. Lance has committed suicide. Out of everything that could had happened, Lance was gone. By his own hands. For what reason? Why now? 

Allura seemed to hesitate before drawing his attention away from the hanging form. 

“I… I believe you should read this. Coran and I will… get him down.”

————

Shiro sat at the dining room. Not eating anymore. Just sitting there waiting exhausted out of his mind and his stomach flipping. Staring at the same figure across the table from him who _happily_ was chewing on the same food goo.

Shiro turned away.

“Pidge… what day is it Earth time?”

“It should be September twenty-eighth. Why?”

“Nothing… thanks Pidge.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

———

Shiro entered the dining hall abruptly, the others staring at him with wide eyes as he nearly stomped his way over to Lance’s seat. Not caring for the other’s confused glances as he pushed Lance’s chair out. He grabbed Lance’s arm as he dragged him away from his empty bowl with remnants of food goo.

“Woah, Shiro,” Lance said, trying to work his arm out of Shiro’s grasp, “what’s wrong, man? Is there a problem? I sure would love an explanation...”

Shiro didn’t answer him. If anything Shiro was the one who was desperate for answers. He must’ve gripped Lance’s wrist too tightly because after they had disappeared from the sights of the others, Lance swatted Shiro’s arm away roughly. A twinge of guilt rocked through Shiro’s core but he ignored it. Shiro turned to look at him, ready to try to get Lance to follow him… somewhere? Shiro wasn’t sure himself. He just wanted Lance away… away from others prying eyes and away from the numerous dangers that Shiro had to witness.

“Shiro, are you okay?” Lance asked, his eyes filled with unconditional worry and fear. 

Why was it always Lance!? Why did Lance of all people have to experience death and death again!? Lance… a man who had nothing to do with Shiro… someone who didn’t need Shiro… yet all Lance did was occupy Shiro’s every waking thoughts.

“Lance… Lance. Am I going insane!? I’ve seen you over and over again… this day keeps repeating and I can’t stop it.

“Shiro what are you-“

He looked… cute. His worry dropped into his voice, his face’s facade no longer able to suppress his uncertainty.

But Lance wouldn’t remember any of this.

It suddenly clicked in Shiro. As if a light switch was turned off so did his rational thinking. He wouldn’t remember this. Just like he forgot letters forged from his own hands that no longer existed, in wills written in multiple lost times, in distant faded memories, Lance gave him his true feelings. Only for them to be robbed with his last breath. And then another day would continue for another time.

“You told me that you didn’t want to die.” Shiro choked out.

“Shiro… you’re freaking me out right now.”

“You told me you loved me.”

“H-how the- how did you hear about that!? I never said that!” Lance whimpered.

The sound of Lance’s embarrassed state sent Shiro into overdrive. Shiro latched on to Lance’s wrists harder. Pulling his body closer while pushing him close to the wall; enough so that their bodies touched. He needed Lance to be there like an anchor. That this wasn’t just his personal hell and that he was real. That all his emotions were worth… something. That they may one day be returned. That they would be kept.

Shiro brought his finger to hook on Lance’s chin. Lance was barely able to stand by himself and his eyes were wide with… something Shiro didn’t know how to describe. And at this point, he couldn’t care. He would forget this anyways. Shiro locked his lips on Lance’s. Finding Lance’s soft lips plush as Lance moaned and subconsciously grinding on Shiro’s thigh. Shiro smirked, pushing his tongue deeper and deeper playing with Lance’s own tongue as he steadily forgot what he was trying to do. Shiro lost himself in Lance. No one could bring Shiro down faster than him.

So once Lance had snapped his eyes open, tears flowing down his cheeks as he raised his hand clenched above his collar and wrenched his shoulder back, Shiro didn’t need to be told twice that Lance didn’t want to ever see him again… if he remembered. Lance had ran away from the scene faster than Shiro had ever seen him move. Shiro felt the swollen cheek a reminder to himself. He was selfish. He pushed his emotions onto Lance. He didn’t know what was real anymore, Shiro didn’t know if his emotions were real.

—————

…..

“Lance… what would you say if I-“

His thoughts halted as red engulfed the walls, a siren blaring in his ears that forced his thoughts to die in his throat. Not again.

“Paladins we are under attack! We need the lions!” Allura announced through the com.

“Holy crow- this early!? Shiro, come on we both need to get to the hangar-“

“No.”

Shiro gripped Lance’s wrist like a vice. 

He couldn’t let Lance go.

He couldn’t take seeing Lance **die** again.

Even if he couldn’t remember Shiro, even if he couldn’t remember every time Shiro would try to save him. Even if he didn’t remember every time Shiro confessed and pushed his vulnerable heart to the breaking point. Shiro did. So he had to do something about it.

Shiro pushed Lance into the nearest room. Not caring for its contents nor its intended purpose as Shiro forced the two metal plates shut before Lance’s fearful eyes. Shiro worked his right arm against the metal, sealing it with heat. He wouldn’t be able to escape.

“Shiro let me out! Why are you doing this!? I need to get to Blue!” Lance yelled behind the metal.

“You’ll be fine.”

“What if we need Voltron?”

“I’ll handle it.”

“Shiro this isn’t funny! Let me out!” Lance begged.

“… I won’t let them hurt you. I’ll be back” 

Not again.

And again.

And again.

———

Everything didn’t matter. 

It was as if reality had been flipped on his head and his imagination got to go wild. There was a pattern in these time loops. Everyday, Lance has to die. It was as if the universe demanded his existence to be doomed as every single day turned Lance into its demented and abused stuffed toy. Shiro would find him at wits end, rather it be in the blue lion or in the castle. Some way or another Lance was destined to die on this fated day. No matter how much Shiro tried to prevent it. No matter how much Shiro wished he didn’t have to see it.

Lance would die. 

No matter how much Shiro tried to prevent it.

He didn’t want him to go.

It must’ve been… the twelfth time Shiro had seen Lance’s death. By that time he still was passive. Trying to shield Lance from any danger, listening to him and his every sentence as if it was an acute clue. He would gladly serve Lance like a loyal dog and try to get him to understand how needed he was by not only Shiro but the universe. 

By the twentieth try… Shiro could feel it all becoming a blur. By now he had Lance on a leash, commanding him to stay by his side as if he had that authority, biting nearly anyone that tried to tell him different. It was just one day. If Lance could just survive one day...

At the thirty-fourth, Shiro was going insane. 

He had everyone breaking off, secluded until Voltron formed, failed. 

He had Lance stay back in the castle. Failed.

He had Lance placed in his own lion as they fought. Failed.

He made a room specifically for Lance. No wires. No means of escape. Failure.

Shiro had sunk his metal fingers into Lances ribs. Enough so to need the healing pod. Failure.

He kept trying? But why?

No one remembered. 

Everytime a day restarted he got greeted with happy smiles at a table. Innocent. Lance would continue on as Shiro hadn’t just broken half of his ribs, tore off his arm, or been stuffed in a closet for over twelve hours. He felt nothing as he did. But yet as he remembered after each day passed Shiro found himself more and more broken. Sleep became increasingly less than before if that was even possible. Throwing up next to a toilet bowl as he retched up each memory and despaired cries from Lance caused by him. 

Only for Shiro to remember and live on with Lance’s screams of anguish.

He’s angry because he can't save him.

Lance knows Shiro can do better.

He can find a way.

He had to do it for Lance.

Lance was counting on him.

He had to.

He had to.

**But Shiro is weak.**

Why did it have to be Lance?

Why Lance? 

Why… why him?

Shiro had made up his mind. It was a different experience knowingly ending your own life. The determination bare of life, almost as if it were preparing for the next step. He stole multiple bottles of unknown medicine from Coran’s medical cabinets. All unlabeled or unreadable; to Shiro it didn’t matter as he opened them up and stuffed pill after pill in his mouth.

If he ended it this time for himself… if he went out on his own rules.

Maybe Lance would see another day.

He would be saved.

Shiro couldn't protect Lance.

Instead he hurt him.

He never… wanted to get used to seeing Lance cry…

But yet here he was.

Shiro laid down on the coarse bed, shutting his eyes for what he hoped was the last time.

He just wanted it all to be over.

————

…..

…..

…..

—————-

….

…..

……

——————

Shiro brought Lance outside the dining hall. Another reminder of his previous mistakes had lined his mind, telling him it wouldn’t be any different. But Shiro knew better. He needed to get those tricky words out of his throat and confess only the truth. Once that was settled… Shiro was sure he could find another way to end this broken record loop. Lance stood attentively. Waiting for a Shiro to speak as Shiro leaned against the wall across from Lance. He made sure to put distance between. He didn’t want to make another mistake. Shiro’s arms crossed in apprehension because he knew he wasn’t going to make any sense.

“Lance. Listen to me. I… I can’t bring myself to say this again. Not when you will forget. Not when I know I will have to remember and do this all again. I won’t ask for any more so please just listen to me for once so I can give up finally.”

Shiro found his fingers embracing Lance’s own. Unsure of when his imaginary threshold was broken. A touch he realized he wouldn’t be able to feel again after this was over. How he would pull away in disgust, knowing that his hero was nothing more than a shameful possessive man. A man ready to hurt others and use it as an excuse to save them... Shiro was the lowest of low… 

“I love you, Lance. No matter what happens my desire hasn’t diminished and I haven’t been able to stop thinking only of you since. But yet I hurt you. You don’t remember… but every time I made such a mistake to hurt you… I regret it all.”

“Shiro, you never hurt me-“

“I did. And I can never redeem myself from that. I’m sorry for not making any sense. Out of context… it’s a mystery. But even so, it ends today. I know you’ll forget this like you had the others. So please… **I love you**.”

“You… you can’t. You can’t be serious?” Lance responded breathlessly.

“I am,” Shiro whispered, “so please just reject me. Say that you hate me… I can’t wait any longer. Push me away or just…”

“Shiro… everything… I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Shiro, I don’t know what you have seen, or heard, but I… I've looked up to you! I have since the garrison! Longer even! I’ve looked up to you for so long that I-“

“Lance… don’t… I can’t imagine hearing this and having you forget this.”

“I… I won’t forget this! Shiro, I love you! Right now I-” 

Shiro did something he hadn’t done in what felt like decades. He cried. Openly his tears dropped from his eyes and caught on the back of his hands as he swiped. His knees crumpled below him as he fell. It caught Lance off guard, Lance immediately followed after Shiro, placing his hand on Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro couldn't stop his tears. He didn’t know why they came out in the first place. It was as if a weight had been lifted from him; yet he knew this fleeting feeling would disappear in the next twelve hours. 

Shiro felt the bubbling sensation in his stomach bursting, causing him to start sobbing more than his body could take. His body wracked with hiccups and sent Lance into a frantic mess. Shiro felt smooth hands envelop his head, pulling him forward to hit a soft surface. Shiro’s whole body had no energy, only able to close his eyes as he let tears stain Lance’s shirt. It was a warmth he realized he never felt since he was a child. It was familiar but yet it felt… unnatural. It was Lance’s embrace… 

“Shiro… I don’t know what happened. Honestly, I’m super confused, but I’m more concerned right now. If you need to talk to me I’m here for you. I’m always here…”

Lance let a silence creep into the conversation, but quickly started talking again as the soft sobs began to lessen on Shiro’s frame. Shiro didn’t realize when Lance had started talking from his haze, but yet Lance’s voice was all he could focus on.

“I wasn’t lying either... about my feelings. I’m not taking no for an answer. I mean- you can reject me- that wasn’t what I meant. I just… I’m not letting you tell me my feelings are wrong or I’m misunderstanding them. I **love** you, Shiro. Not like, not like like, I… I have always seen you as my hero. I’ve always been crushing stupidly on you for years.”

“Why… why would…”

“Shiro I swear if you finish that sentence with “Why me” or something like that I will… I don’t know, stuff some space goo down your throat? Either way, what is there not to love? You’re the poster of everywhere! Not only the Garrison, but now of Voltron. It’s… amazing. Everything that you’ve done and accomplished. I first just saw your face. You’re handsome, extremely so, but I learned that wasn’t all.”

Lance's voice raised and bubbled as if reminiscing a fond memory. 

“I remember when I heard your speeches for the first time. Did you know it is mandatory for the garrison to show them to cadets? Anyways, I instantly fell in love. I knew it was a mistake to crush on you- after all I was… I _am_ just Lance. But I couldn’t help it once I started hearing more and more about you. Most of them might be rumors, but I just… fell in love. I loved that you kept at it. Your determination and conviction was just obvious in your speeches. How hard you worked despite failing over and over again to get on the Kerberos Mission… I fell in love.”

“You… you’re serious…”

“Yeah, I am. And I won’t let you forget!”

“Lance… can I kiss you?”

Lance made a small flustered noise from above Shiro, “I- yeah! I would love tha-“

Shiro brought his face gingerly to Lance’s, quickly losing control once their lips interlocked. Shiro became hungry, pushing his chest against Lance’s as he delved deeper to ingrain Lance’s taste to his memory. It was hard to focus on anything else when Lance’s lips were pressed against his. It wasn’t anything like before… knowing Lance wanted it, knowing he **loved** him. Shiro felt his heart flying, his head stuffed with cotton and flying higher and higher. He bit lightly on Lance’s lips, both their temperatures rising as the hallway quickly became stuffy. Lance was the first one to pull away from the kiss, looking absolutely disheveled wonderfully with slick wet lips. Shiro panicked, thinking he may had overstepped his boundaries. 

“Is- is there something wrong?” Shiro asked.

“No! It was amazing! I just… is it too soon to say I want you in me? Oh my crow please just ignore my dumb brain that never stops before it says something, Shiro!” Lance mumbled.

“No, I want you too.” Shiro reassured.

“Take me away, Shiro!”

———

Shiro and Lance found themselves in Shiro’s own room. On the way there Shiro had held Lance’s hand, trying to grip him as gently as possible but yet strong enough to just confirm that all of it was real. Which it really didn’t feel like it was; but all those thoughts were thrown out to space once Lance would pull him into another smaller chaste kiss as they walked to Shiro’s. He tasted sweet, intoxicating.

When they both saw the name scrawled in black pen they walked faster, their hands and mouths barely able to keep the fragile distance in public. Shiro unlocked the room, pushing Lance in lightly as he captured Lance’s lips again. His hands traveling down from Lance’s ribs to his hips; tracing their curves through the clothes. Lance backed up on the bed, finding himself sitting as Shiro’s arms encased his. Pushing their bodies flushed against each other’s. Their positions toddled as they mindlessly pushed and pulled at each other. At some point Lance was straddled against Shiro’s hips, both their pants now straining but Lance seemed hesitant as he blushed wildly. 

“Hey, do you mind if we talk before we do anything? I don’t want to take away from this moment or like seem like I’m running away! I just… I’m still worried about earlier.” Lance said, shifting on Shiro’s lap.

“It’s not a fun story.” Shiro frowned.

“I wasn’t expecting one when you started crying.” Lance spoke, hurriedly brushing Shiro’s damp hair away from his face.

“... do you really just want to listen to me for hours?”

“What do you think I did when I would listen to your speeches!? Except now this isn’t you on a screen talking to the whole world in general. It’s with only me and you. I’m literally in your lap and very willing to listen.”

”Lance… I love you.”

“I know.”

———-

“I have to admit, that’s hard to believe, Shiro…” Lance started.

“I know. But I wouldn’t lie about this. Not when it involves you.”

“I’m so sorry you had to experience that alone, Shiro… but I’m here now. If I forget this I would never be able to live with myself.”

“I… even when you’re here with me now I can’t believe it.” Shiro said, hugging around Lance’s stomach.

“Shiro, I might not know much, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn. The me right now is all that matters. I’ll always be the same Lance no matter how many times that changes.”

“But… you’ve rejected me so many times.”

“Well other me’s are stupid! And also I’ll say this for them right now! Thank you, Shiro. Thank you for always trying your best for me. I can’t even imagine how it must have felt. I… I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if I were in your place. You’re my hero…” Lance said, threading his long fingers through Shiro’s hair.

“I tried… I tried to save you but yet every time…”

“I’m still alive, Shiro. I'm in front of you. Listening to you. I always will be, so don't give up.”

“I won’t… I won’t, I promise. Even if you forget this…”

“I won’t forget my feelings, Shiro. I told you, I looked up to you for so long… that can’t disappear in one day.”

“I feel like anything could happen with everything I’ve learned…”

“Oh my crow- you- that means you know about my whole family! Oh no, why did I even talk about that stupid love letter when I was ten!” Lance screeched in anguish.

“It was one of my favorite things to learn in all of my time…” Shiro snorted he felt way too old.

“Well… I think a payback is in order! Since you learned so much about me, I think it’s time I get to know you a bit more-“ Lance winked.

“I don’t have much of a interesting- Oh!”

Lance’s hand traveled from Shiro’s chest to the hem of his pants, tugging on them as Shiro subconsciously reminded himself to hover so he could let Lance pull them off. The cold air hit his boxers until Lance was then now scrambling to get them off as well. Shiro shivered as all of his bottom was bare, only he could only stare as Lance brought his face closer to his ever growing member. 

“Holy- Am I allowed to?” Lance pleaded with his eyes.

“Yes! Please!” Shiro all but shouted.

Lance began cupping Shiro’s groin, holding it as if evaluating what to do with Shiro’s erection as it grew in Lance’s attention. Lance grinned, already relishing in how he could rile up Shiro without even doing much. Lance’s fingers ghosted over each vein, his light touches sending a flare to Shiro’s nerves. Lance teased the tip, running his fingers over it then stroking in long languid strokes over the shaft. Lance’s hands found Shiro’s thighs, parting them slightly as he held them for support as he started making kittish licks to the sides.

“You’re really big… I don’t know if I can take it all.” Lance joked as he lightly suckled on the tip, tasting precum already and making a wet patch on Shiro’s black underwear.

“Sorry… don't push yourself.” Shiro grunted through grit teeth.

“As if I wouldn’t get this monster in me!” Lance smirks as his tongue darts out to lick long stripes of saliva down Shiro’s dick. 

Lance took Shiro’s cock into his mouth. He held him still by the base as he twirled his tongue around as much of the hard length as he could. Shiro felt his hips bucking ever so slightly, his teeth biting into his lips to stop his groans. Lance hummed around his cock, seemingly understanding Shiro trying to restrain himself. The vibrations were not helping, especially once Lance began to suck and take him deeper and deeper in his throat. Shiro’s fingers found Lance’s head, clutching slightly on the strands as he assaulted his the sensitive tip. Shiro felt his hips twitch unexpectedly as the sensation was ripped from him. His mouth opening in a loud and low groan as Lance’s nose brushed into his pubes, swallowing around his whole length.

Shiro hissed, his spine was curled like a C as he held Lance’s head on his length. He was choking out Lance’s name, brokenly crying out as he arched. Lance squeezed the parts his mouth couldn’t reach with his hands around Shiro, making Shiro scream as he came in Lance’s mouth. Shiro hadn’t realized until he had let out a breathy sigh. He immediately released Lance’s hair, sending Lance popping off with a slick pop. Cum coated his tongue and strands of the thick liquid trailed from his dick. Shiro’s mind was hazy, his consciousness far gone as Lance came closer once again and licked across Shiro once again, stirring him up. Tenderly mouthing against the length as Shiro’s legs trembled at the warm sensation. Lance completely pulled away once he cleaned up slightly, interlocking his fingers with Shiro’s as he came back with a new item. Lube.

“I… I hope you know I haven’t exactly… done this. All of it. I mean- I have given blowjobs, just I haven’t had anything in me… especially something like… this.” Lance said, his face completely red as he straddled Shiro. 

The sight alone was giving Shiro his second wind as he helped position Lance to comfortably be supported against Shiro’s chest and shoulders. Shiro’s hands found the hem of Lance’s shirt and pulled up, revealing his amazing lithe body. Shiro’s fingers hooked into Lance’s pants and underwear, pulling downwards swiftly revealing the lush tan skin under his fingertips. Shiro kissed against Lance’s neck, breathing deeply the scent of Lance’s facial cream. Reveling in the warmth of Lance’s bare skin. Lance’s breath was airy as he lightly ground his dick against Shiro’s thigh as Shiro gripped him tighter. Shiro felt his hands wandering over Lance’s ass, soft and plump as his fingers teased over the hole.

“I can help?” Shiro felt like he was begging. 

“Please.” Lance pants.

Shiro took Lance who squirmed slightly off his lap, laying him on the bed on his stomach with his hips in the air. Shiro took the bottle, lightly coating his fingers and Lance’s hole as he moved to tease over it. Once his finger dipped into Lance, Lance immediately bucked his hips, mewling sweetly. Shiro smiled, satisfied as Lance’s hands tightened on Shiro’s shirt, clawing as he tightened against Shiro’s digits. 

“You need to relax, Lance.” Shiro cooed.

“I’m trying!”

Shiro’s fingers twisted against Lance’s rim. Lance was pushing back against his fingers, drooling and whimpering with each thrust. Shiro couldn't help his dopey smile when Lance tightened even more, curling them inside Lance as he spasmed. Shiro added more fingers slowly, eliciting his desired response as Lance moaned lewdly.

“More… more please… inside-“

His pleas were well met as Shiro complied. He thrusted three fingers inside to the second knuckle. Scissoring each finger against Lance’s walls. Lance’s whole body was twitching, his back arched obscenely as Shiro pulled his fingers out with a slick noise. Lance whined, pushing his ass back against the air needily. The slick poured out from his hole in a slight trickle, enticing Shiro as he kneaded Lance’s cheeks apart. 

“Don’t worry, Lance, I’ll take care of you.” Shiro teased.

“Wait what-“ Lance felt the hot breath against his sensitive skin, barely able to register it before Shiro delved in. 

A moan tore from Lance’s raw throat, absolutely wrecking his vocal cords as he shuddered hard. Shiro’s mouth locked on Lance’s rim, licking the loosened muscle. His tongue was warm and wet, licking and softening the muscle. Lance arched, trying to pull back but Shiro’s arms were bruising around his thighs, pushing their bodies closer and closer. Shiro could feel himself harden as he felt the lube previously covering his chin messily.

Shiro made sure not to only show attention to his hole, lightly stroking Lance up and down with his hand as he would run the flat of his tongue on Lance’s balls and hole, swiping up and down making Lance’s mind race. Shiro’s tongue worked up Lance’s nerves, leaving him unprepared for when Shiro would work the muscle hard and messily or softly and caressing. Shiro couldn't stop tasting all of Lance, enveloped in his musk and prying inside. He knew he was driving Lance wild and it sent the fire in his stomach acinder. His only complaint as Lance choked on echoed moans was that he couldn’t see Lance’s blissed out face. Lance moaned for more, pushing against Shiro’s tongue. The action sent Shiro crazy, imagining how beautifully lustful Lance would look on his own cock. Shiro poured a small amount of lube onto his shaft, his hand running over his pulsing dick to only make sure it was slick enough. Shiro pulled away from Lance, getting another frustrated whine.

“Why did you-“

“Shhh, Lance, I need to be in you…” 

Shiro pressed the head lightly into Lance’s hole, feeling the give. Lance flushed, his mouth hung open as he begged by grinding his ass against Shiro’s dripping hard cock. Shiro bit back a growl, not able to keep his hands off of Lance’s wanton body. Shiro gripped Lance’s hips, steadying him as Shiro canted his own hips to get some friction in. Shiro turned Lance over on to his back, looking directly at Lance’s dazed face. Shiro’s heart was squeezed when he saw Lance lazily responding, his ribs raising beautifully as he was breathing deeply. Shiro positioned his cock against Lance’s hole, eager as he could feel Lance submissively waiting. Shiro raised Lance’s legs, hooking them upon his shoulder as he drowned in the sight of Lance’s supple body.

“Lance, are you ready?” Shiro asked breathlessly, caressing Lance’s nipples as Lance pushed back against his hand showing his submissive side.

“Yes yes, hell fuck- please! I need you!” Lance begged as a chant.

Shiro was surprised he was even able to stand up correctly at the sight of Lance. Soft and pliant as his legs bent over his shoulders, drawing him in with its tight lock. Shiro licked his lips, lining himself up to slowly insert himself into Lance’s warm and soft entrance. Lance gasped, his eyebrows drawn and his taut legs twitched as Shiro sheathed himself fully into him, stopping until he was flush against Lance. Their flesh melding as Shiro’s insides burned with pleasure, buzzing like a pleasant hum as Lance clenched around him. Shiro fully sheathed himself inside with a guttural groan, slowly grinding against Lance as they both exhaled deeply and adjusted themselves.

Shiro was doing his damndest to go gently, knowing it was not only Lance but also Lance's first time. He couldn’t betray that trust Lance put in him now. Lance’s hands were a death grip on the blankets, his body trembled as Shiro continued a slow tempo. Shiro took his time, listening to Lance breathe, mapping out his skin and sweat, and simply staring deeply into Lance’s pleased smile. 

The sight of Lance below him was already enough for him to blow but the desire to make sure Lance was thoroughly satisfied outweighed it, making Shiro watch for Lance’s reaction as he timed and angeled his thrusts. That's when it hit Shiro, Lance’s legs locked and he keened slightly. Shiro had found his sweet spot, and definitely was going to use it to his advantage. Shiro presses against it, relishing in Lance’s thighs drawing up and tensing with a breathy gasp. Lance didn’t seem happy and Shiro would tease the spot, nearly hitting it but would simply brush past it, making Lance kick Shiro’s back. He took Lance’s thighs and sucked deep red marks along their defined muscles, enthralled with the perfectly marked Lance.

As Shiro slowly regained his senses from the pleasure, he heard Lance’s cries; a mantra of yes’s, faster, and more. Shiro couldn't deny Lance for any longer as he slowly withdrew his hips, pinning his hands on Lance’s thighs to prepare himself. Shiro rushed forward again this time fast enough to snap Lance in two, slamming his hips into Lance’s juncture. Lance screamed, the air knocked out of his lungs as Shiro's cock rammed against his insides. Lance’s legs twitched around Shiro’s head, locking into place as his toes curled and Shiro set up a faster pace. Finally letting go of rationale as Lance brought his hands around Shiro’s neck to draw him into a hot messy kiss; no longer teasing and flirty but instead as if they were trying to devour each other.

Shiro felt the fear in his head, was he hurting Lance? Was he handling him too harshly? But it all flew out the window once Lance wailed his name, grinding into Shiro’s groin with the most naughty movement Shiro had seen in his life. Gyrating as sweet fiery moans of pleasure and gasps made it past his lips, coaxing Shiro to a dazed sense of confidence. Shiro continued to snap his hips against Lance’s, sending Lance more and more backwards on the bed with the force. Shiro stared in awe at the way Lance’s body writhed at the pleasure, covered in a sheen of sweat.

Lance whined as Shiro bent Lance further into himself for a better angle at Lance’s prostate pistoning himself inside as Lance’s fingers desperately grasped at his shoulders. Lance rucked and grinded in a frenzy, clearly close to his limit, and Shiro wanted to push him over it. Shiro took Lance’s forgotten cock and began to stroke it within his hand. Watching the member slide in and out of his hand while constantly dripping with precum as Shiro’s thrusting became erratic. Shiro grunted, physically feeling hotter as he grit his teeth and bucked, nearing his limits. He used the momentum to keep going, sending Lance further up the wall as Lance cried, pliant and aroused around Shiro’s dick.

Lance came into Shiro’s hand, a splatter of white coated Shiro’s hand and Lance’s stomach as he arched with an open mouth scream. Shiro couldn't bring himself to look away. Lance’s mouth was hung open and his eyes were closed with his eyebrows drawn back. He was panting as Shiro could feel him clench around his cock. Lance’s hands scratched into Shiro’s shoulders as Shiro continued to slowly pump himself slowly inside of Lance. Lance mewled from the overstimulation, lightly brushing Shiro’s hand away from his dick.

“Lance, i-inside or?” Shiro found himself asking despite his mind not registering anything but the heat and Lance’s blissed face.

“Please! I want to feel it in me- so badly. I need it!” Lance gasps out.

Shiro groaned low and animalistic, fingers digging in hard enough that he knew Lance would most likely bruise. His eyes widened as he felt Shiro thrust harshly then stuffed himself inside. Lance felt Shiro swelling inside him, and then he was coming. Lance moaned with Shiro as Lance could feel his insides being coated with Shiro’s seed. Lance convulsed as Shiro emptied himself inside Lance, the warmth spreading inside him as Shiro heaved for air. 

It was far too quick; at least in Shiro’s head. He wanted more time to pleasure Lance, learn what really made him gasp in surprise and whimper sweetly. But with Lance under him, already recovered and staring at him with such adoration in his crystalline eyes Shiro could feel himself tearing up at just the sight.

“I’m so fucking glad there’s no legs or springs to this bed or else all of it would’ve been destroyed.” Lance laughs, the hearty sound was harsh in his thoroughly raw throat.

Shiro joined in, knowing he meant well. he got off of Lance, pulling out of Lance with a rush of liquid that clearly made Lance shudder. Shiro wasted no time in getting towels as Lance quickly grew uncomfortable with the slick and dirty liquid. Shiro wipes away at Lance’s skin, also rubbing out muscles for aches and petting him, praising him as he laid kisses everywhere. The marks left that covered Lance’s neck, his shoulders, his chest, his thighs, and hips, everywhere. Anywhere he could, just so he could claim Lance. To at one point be able to remind himself Lance was his and his only. He wishes it could’ve been permanent.

“I love you, Lance.” Shiro sighed.

“I love you too, Shiro.” Lance tiredly smiles.

Shiro couldn't feel his mouth moving as he closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep again. He felt lazy fingers scratching at the back of his buzzed hair and drew him in closer as they cuddled.

“Don’t leave me… please.”

Not again. 

And again.

And again.

“I’m yours… again.” Lance smiled.

————

 

……

 

…….

 

…….

Shiro woke up in bed alone. Like he always had.

His head pounding.

He pulled his normal clothes on as he headed to the dining hall. As routine as it was every other time.

“Good morning, Shiro.” Allura said.

“Good Mornin’” Pidge mutters.

“Morning, Shiro.” Keith yawned.

“Mornin’” Hunk said.

“Morning… babe.” Lance cheekily teased out the last word.

“What!?” Hunk screeched as he hit the table.

“When did this happen!?” Keith yelled at Lance.

Lance gave a sly smile, lazily walking over and leaning on Shiro for support. His hand shot out dramatically to reach up for the top of his turtleneck and pulled it down slightly enough to see some discolored skin. His smile stretched on his face as he made sure to say it loudly enough for Shiro’s heart to stop.

“Yesterday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut scene was written by me at 5 am and I cant bring myself to look at it again i'm so sorry-


End file.
